Chocmeet 1.0: Report

From: MegaMole <PSmithALTO@countertenor.demon.co.uk>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [F] Chocmeet 1.0 28 Nov: Meet Report and Quote File
Date: Sat, 28 Nov 1998 20:15:12 +0000
Message-ID: <Sz$DuGAQnFY2EwQ6@countertenor.demon.co.uk>

Present:  Your huMMble mole, An~ejo (my Cyrillic encoding prevents the
use of diacritic wibbles, and turns the name into Acejo), Dmark (the
only afper to be named after a currency) and Rand the Kiwi.

There is some doubt as to whether this meet was quorate; we decided de
facto that it was.

*********************************************************************

The report:

Having met and made introductions to the two afpers (Rand and Dmark)
there at 2pm, and greeted An~ejo with appropriate *hugs*, we waited for
a further 15 minutes outside the exhibition hall for others to turn up
while playing the time-honoured "Spot the AFPer" game.  There seemed to
be a large meet going on in the street nearby, so we geeked loudly at
them but nobody got (or admitted to getting) the message.

We entered the exhibition, and with a keenness of eye born of long
practice An^ejo headed straight towards the Maya Gold stand.
Discovering herself short (of pecuniary wherewithal, that is) she looked
pleadingly at this mole, who lent her some mole moolah and was promptly
WYMMed.  (Need I say that I accepted?)  Much Maya Gold was bought by all
concerned.

We wandered around the various stalls, chugalugged cassis from a camp
Cananananadadadadadian, saw the world's largest chocolate bar (100 tons
- Cadbury's - is that really chocolate?) and Belgian chocolate bar
(yours for only ukp10000 from Harrods).  An~ejo, our official meet
porn^Wphotographer, realised her camera batteries had gone flat.
Whereupon Rand lazily muttered "Do you need two of these" and promptly
produced replacements from the depth of his sack.

The assembled afpcontingent was photographed with a man dressed as a
large cocoa bean.  This mole, convinced that the bean had a hidden
agenda, had to be restrained from making Mr Blobby noises at said bean.
He also found that An~ejo is extremely ticklish.

After a Frenchman cognac-geeked at us for a quarter of an hour, free
Remy Martin Cognac, of two different vintages - the VS and the exclusive
1738 - was drunk/quaffed with varying degrees of enthusiasm while the
three male AFPers ogled the proud, tumescent charms of a young lady in a
1780s dress - and An~ejo sulked (see quotefile).  This would never
happen with scumble.

We then repaired to a local hostelry selling various "real" "ales" (cave
Gid) and reflected upon sex, cats, silly colours, that horrible pukey
colour that Fiats come in, sport, AFP, sex, old farts, newbies, sex, the
curry flavoured condoms for sale in the Gents and "aging grapes" (a term
for the not-exactly-old-fart-but-been-around-for-a-while with which
An~ejo christened this mole).  Reference was made to the famous Damp
Spot of AFPCam.  An~ejo extolled the virtues of the A-Plan diet - salad
and chocolate.  As we disbanded, promises were made to reconvene at
AFPHogswatch.

Official photos to be available from An~ejo in due course, and hopefully
uploaded to Barry R's website.

*********************************************************************

Moment of the afternoon:
An~ejo's face upon seeing the Maya Gold stand, then upon being offered
the wherewithal to purchase by this mole.

Disappointment of the afternoon:
Not enough free samples, _no_ C^3Bs, and some very ordinary Ivory Coast
hot chocolate.  The entry price.

Irony of the afternoon: 
Seeing all the attractive young women at the chocolate exhibition
attempting to salve their aching consciences with long periods of
penance at... the WeightWatchers stand.

*********************************************************************

The quotes: 

Legend: MM - your h.s., A - An~ejo, D - Dmark, R - Rand
(in approximate chronological order)

A - "I'm fed up with always being the smallest."

A - "If you find a woman who _doesn't_ like chocolate, she's definitely
a transsexual."

A (trying to attract the other meet) - "We should start Pterry geeking
very loudly. <pause> Oh no, then we wouldn't be alt.fan.pratchett."

MM (to Dmark) - "Have you ever had problems being mistaken for a
currency?"

A - "All those Czech blokes have such wonderful cheekbones."
R - "That's probably due to a lack of protein."

A (on seeing the largest choccy bar in the world) "That's REAL?!?!???"
MM - "No, it's Cadbury's."

MM (obHershey bars) "Until some merkins educated me, I thought a Hershey
bar was a lesbian dating agency."

A - "I'm a massage slut too."
MM - "My mother swears by my neck massage.  She usually says bollocks."

D - "AFPmeet photos are like those camera shots in travelogue programmes
where the crew has to take off and land twice to get the shot in
properly."

A (obcrashspace) - "In Oxford, I'm not sure whose floor I'm going to
sleep on, but I'm sure I'll find somewhere."

MM (on seeing an ethnic poster showing a South American man brandishing
a very strange weapon) - "That Aztec warrior's threatening me with a
Curly Wurly."

A (on watching the expressions of naked lust on the faces of her male
AFPescorts) - "It's always the same.  You think you're out with three
nice afpblokes and there's three Lads getting out from under them."

A (obemail address) - "It's my dragon. I'm in an Anne McCaffrey fan
club."
MM - "Anne McCaffrey? <splutter> It's like Mills & Boon with wings!"

MM - "But I thought Ecksians were into sheep."
R - "Nonononononono, sheep is a myth.  It's kangaroos that go up and
down."

A (about jbex) - "Our IT Department goes 'Oh, Internet, newfangled
nonsense.  It'll all die out in a few years'"... then she claimed she
was the nearest thing they had to a BOFH.

A - "We all use Lotus applications at jbex..."
MM - "Eurchh..." <grimace>
R - "Oi! I'm a Lotus developer!"

MM (obStinking Bishop cheese) "It was so on the hum it sounded like a
male voice choir".

R (obBlow jobs) "This guy I knew had a bad experience with blow jobs:
his girlfriend had braces... need I say more?"
MM - "Twoinnnngggg!"

*********************************************************************

That's all folks.  And don't expect me to keep the quotefile for
Hogswatch.  Four people I can manage, but 100....
-- 
MegaMole
The Official Enrico Basilica
Master of the Molehill and AFPHubby to loads now!

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