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From lonecat@gwydion.net Wed Aug 22 17:15:19 2001 From: LoneCat <lonecat@gwydion.net> Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett Subject: A brief tale of CCDE Date: Wed, 22 Aug 2001 23:15:19 +0100 Message-ID: <3B842EF7.E97D832@gwydion.net> Reply-To: lonecat@gwydion.net X-Accept-Language: en Don't ask. It's not like you're going to get a sensible answer. ____________________________________________________________ The battle lines were drawn at dawn. The first shot was fired when the one known mostly as Aquarion appeared, equipped with his optimised battle shorts, codenamed 'doomshorts'. These have a range of a few hundred metres and can cause serious injury and blindness, especially when uncautiously handled. For a long time people pondered how the opposition could respond to such a lethal initial strike. We waited with baited breath and shaded eyes. Then at last the opposition made their move, fielding the one known as Pthomas. Pthomas appeared armed with the 'postcard shirt', codenamed 'posthumus'. This fearsome garment is notable chiefly for its extreme tackiness. The suggestion was made of a posthumus/doomshorts combination, causing instant death amongst some of the weaker members of each side. Collateral damage is, sadly, a feature of many battles, as is the phenomenon known as 'friendly fire'. We collected the remaining troops. The one known mostly as Aquarion took up a defensive position, abandoning the doomshorts in favour of 'eyecandy'. These were a pair of striped trousers, not an overly offensive weapon but effective in repelling the oposition. It seemed that things had reached an impasse, as the one known as Pthomas was reluctant to abandon posthumas. We began to wonder how much longer they could hold out. We hoped that the evening might bring some resolution to the stalemate. The one known as Pthomas did not produce any weapon more offensive than posthumas. Instead he took an entirely different approach, abandoning posthumas for 'strokeable', one of the most powerful defensive shields available. After witnessing this the one known mostly as Aquarion appeared to be making a retreat, abandoning both the doomshorts and eyecandy. However, to our surprise he made a sudden attack, bearing the fearsome weapon known only as 'lookaway'. The collateral damage was breathtaking. Even in the dark, people over three hundred metres away were blinded, and the death toll closer in was horrific. White balances on cameras crumpled up in agony. The one known as Pthomas didn't stand a chance. Not even strokable could protect him against the true horror that was lookaway. Victorious, the one known mostly as Aquarion but now primarily as 'Sir' stepped across the prone bodies to retrieve his prize - the cache of ancient treasure dating back thousands of years. The gold of the Maya. The battle was over. ________________________________________________________ -- Susan/LoneCat, AFPgoddess of indecision Afpiancee to Rand and Dragon Prince, Aquarion's adoptee My vanity domain: http://www.lonecat.org/ I am the cat who walks by herself
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