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1995
The "Dwarven Poetry" (a.k.a. "gold gold gold") alt.fan.pratchett discussion thread was, in my opinion, one of the most entertaining ones we've had since this newsgroup's inception, even though I suppose it was basically just a single running gag stretched beyond endurance and then some.
I thought it would be a shame if this admirable example of collective writing was to disappear into the gaping vacuum maws of Usenet history, so I've searched through my log files, rescued the relevant postings, and started pruning, slicing, dicing, leaving out, editing, rearranging and formatting.
I can only hope that I'm not the only one who will be amused by the document that resulted from all this activity.
Leo Breebaart
From: Are Sorli
Having observed the recent discussion on DW fan fiction, I finally made up
my mind to share my humble efforts with you. Seeing as there is a lot of
activity in the Hedgehog Song department, I rather channeled my creative
energies into the composition of a new dwarf song. Here are the first two
verses:Gold, gold, gold, gold,
gold, gold, gold, gold,
gold, gold, gold, gold,
gold, gold, gold, gold.Gold, gold, gold, gold,
gold, gold, gold, gold,
gold, gold, gold, gold,
gold, gold, gold, gold.I'm currently working on some more verses, but have run into quite serious
scansion problems due to formal constraints. I will share them with you at
a later stage of creation. Any *constructive* criticism on the current
effort is welcomed; how does my work compare with the original?
From: a.j.cribbin
Interesting lyrics, I see you feel passionately about the subject matter. I
particularly like the way you've managed to get the lines to all rhyme
without sacrificing their sense of meaning. Most clever.My only quibble is that I think the reference to oral sex is totally
uncalled for.
From: Stephen Judd
Great! May I submit my German translation? It runs:
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, GoldGold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold.I'm sure you'll agree that I have managed to capture both the style and nuances of the original.
From: Adrian Ogden
Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod
Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod
Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod
Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod ...
From: Terry Pratchett
Huh, that's a definite rip off of the song Thog Thunderthighs is going to
write next year, huh! Sneer! See? The word 'glod' appears several times in
both versions! Is this plagiarism or what!!!???
From: D.LODGE
Yes; the words may be conformant but the tunes are radically different;
OAdrian's goes: 'Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod', whilst Thog's goes: 'Glod, Glod,
Glod, Glod' -- see NO similarities....Look out all you dwarfs for the new 'experimental' tune from the group
'Octarine Omsday' which goes:Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, SilverBut they just don't know how the modern world will take such changes to the
established order...
From: Jan Ingvoldstad
At least they didn't take the fatal step of writing:
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Bronze [1][1] Forgive me, I didn't really mean to imply that *any* dwarf would
even *think* of using that word amongst all that wonderful Gold.
From: Adrian Ogden
Plagiarism!? You want PLAGIARISM!!?? I'll give you PLAGIARISM!!!!
Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod
Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod
Lovely Glod, Wonderful Glod
Lovely Glod, Wonderful..."Shut Up! Bloody Vikings."
From: g.p.stewart
Hey, since we seem to have gone international on this why not the Danish
translation!Guld, Guld, Guld, Guld
Guld, Guld, Guld, Guld
Guld, Guld, Guld, Guld
Guld, Guld, Guld, GuldI'm sorry but that's only the third bridge section before the second CODA,
still the translation is pretty accurate I feel.
From: Irina Rempt
And a tiny sample from the Dutch translation I'm working on:
Goud, goud, goud, goud
Goud, goud, goud, goud
Goud, goud, goud, goud
Goud, goud, goud, goud
From: Alexander Ribbe
And for little Dutch dwarfs:
cent, cent, cent, cent
cent, cent, cent, cent
...
From: Neil Harris
In the interests of international cooperation and understanding may I
respectfully present the Dwarf Song... in Welsh.Aur, Aur, Aur, Aur
Aur, Aur, Aur, Aur
Aur, Aur, Aur, Aur
Aur, Aur, Aur, Aur.As you can see this version has the added advantage of fewer letters and is
therefore suitable as a 'pocket' version.Pronunciation note. Aur is pronounced as the English 'ire'.
From: Nick Leverton
Actually, I don't understand the bit in L&L, where Pterry writes that
dwarves actually prefer iron to gold, except that it's harder to write
songs about it. They seem more or less the same to me -- look :Iron, Iron, Iron, Iron
Iron, Iron, Iron, Iron
Iron, Iron, Iron, Iron
Iron, Iron, Iron, Iron
From: Are Sorli
I do not consider myself a prude, but at this point I feel compelled to
intervene. This discussion, apart from some commendable translation
material, seems to have developed quite an unserious, even flippant, tone,
with cheap quips about ignoble metals (and, at one point, even alloys!) I
would hope that our discussion could once again return to the track of
passionate argument and sincere literary opinion from which it has been
derailed. To this end, I submit my third verse, which I now feel has
reached its final phase of maturation:Gold, gold, gold, gold,
gold, gold, gold, gold,
gold, gold, gold, gold,
gold, gold, gold, gold.I'm particularly pleased with all the embedded references to earlier
textual material in this literary context. Are you able to spot them?
From: Hanspeter Schmid
Well, this is certainly better than the French translation:
Or, or, or, or
Or, or, or, or
Or, or, or, or
Or, or, or, orI like the Italian translation a little bit better:
Oro, oro, oro, oro
Oro, oro, oro, oro
Oro, oro, oro, oro
Oro, oro, oro, oroAlthough the really best translation I've found is the Finnish one:
Holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen
Holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen
Holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen
Holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen
From: John Wilkins
Then again, there's the alchemist's version, understood by all languages,
species, and sexual orientations (at least, until they explode or
something):Au, Au, Au, Au
Au, Au, Au, Au
Au, Au, Au, Au
Au, Au, Au, Au.I think this must be considered the definitive version.
From: Daniel Heald
This can of course be summarized further, and be much more acceptable for
publication in such learned journals as *Aurophilia Acta*, as the following4 (Au subscript4)
Which is even more economical, and mind-bogglingly tedious to any of the
non-dwarven persuasion, than any submission so far.
From: Jeff Howell
Well, just to keep up the current international trend, here is my attempt
at a Canadian version.Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, eh.
From: Paul Graham
Ben, mais si on habite a Quebec:
D'or, D'or, D'or, D'or
D'or, D'or, D'or, D'or
D'or, D'or, D'or, D'or
D'or, D'or, D'or, D'or.N'est-ce pas?
From: Reidulf Wasenius)
We must not forget the Norgewian version. Here it comes.
Gull, Gull, Gull, Gull
Gull, Gull, Gull, Gull
Gull, Gull, Gull, Gull
Gull, Gull, Gull, Gull
From: Paul Sleigh
No no no! You can't appreciate Pratchett until you've read him in the
original Klingon!!!SuD, SuD, SuD, SuD
SuD, SuD, SuD, SuD
SuD, SuD, SuD, SuD
SuD, SuD, SuD, SuD.d the verses are fascinating too.
Qapla'!
From: Richard Bebb
After the current deluge of dwarf *songs* I thought it might be nice to
hear a dwarf limerick even though dwarfs aren't exactly famous for their
sense of humour :-)Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold,
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold,
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold,
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold,
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold,e? :)
From: Colm Buckley
Shouldn't limericks have 8 syllables in the first two lines, followed by 2
lines of 5 syllables, with 8 again in the last line? I'm sure I read this
somewhere (that and the AABBA rhyming scheme), which would give us :Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold
Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold
Gold gold gold gold gold
Gold gold gold gold gold
Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold goldm......
From: Mike Pinson
Well, to contribute a bit of far-eastern mystery and beauty to these works,
I have composed a dwarven haiku.Gold, a dwarven haiku by Mike Pinson.
Gold gold gold gold gold
Gold gold gold
Gold gold gold gold gold.e you like it, I found it quite touching, evocating images of
subterranean pagodas, and gold.That was so good, I'll have to take a long walk to think about it. See you
later.
From: silbrmnd
But it's not a *proper* haiku unless it's got cherry blossoms....
Gold gold gold gold gold.
Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold,
gold gold cherry-blossoms.
From: Helen Highwater
> Gold gold gold gold gold.
> Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold,
> gold gold cherry-blossoms.
Too many syllables.
From: Robin Parkinson
> Too many syllables.
To express oneself
In seventeen syllables
Is very difficJohn Cooper Clark.
From: Berry Kercheval
> But it's not a *proper* haiku unless it's got cherry blossoms....
No, actually it's a reference to the season that is required;
cherry-blossoms are a reference to spring [1]So you could have
Gold gold falling leaves gold.
Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold,
Gold gold gold gold goldor
Gold gold gold gold gold;
Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold,
Gold gold icecicles gold.or even
Gold gold gold gold gold;
Gold gold exfoliating schist gold gold,
Gold gold gold gold gold.[1] or very late winter, depending on your latitude.
From: Rainer Doerntge
After some extensive research in old ancient tomes (mainly "Asterix apud
Gothos"), I made an attempt to a latin translation of the song. This is
somewhat more difficult as other translations since the latin translation
consists of more syllables than all previously shown...Here it comes:
Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum,
Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum,
Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum.
Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum!As it is shown in the last line, the latin translation enables the singer
to put more momentum in his performance, which will have more impact on the
audience.
From: Helen Highwater
> Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum,
> Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum,
> Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum,
> Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum!I may be tone deaf but isn't this the theme to the Pink Panther?
From: John Manning
> Gold, a dwarven haiku by Mike Pinson.
Here is a Japanese translation for *authenticity* ...
Kin kin kin kin kin
Kin kin kin
Kin kin kin kin kin
From: Danyel A Fisher
Well, folks, it's time for the more literarily inclined dwarven poets to
share Shakespearean and Petrarchan Sonnets, as well as Dwarven free verse
and Dwarven beat poetry I did us all the favor of composing. Note that the
Shakespearean and Petrarchan are actually superimposed, for easier
comparison of the styles.Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold
More interesting was the Dwarven Beat period (to be distinguished from the
Dwarven Thump period, a different style entirely). Dwarves, in round
eyeglasses, would sit in smoky cafes and recite to each other poetry that,
in Dwarven culture, was remarkable for its newness, its transcendent
meditations on life, its risque overtones, its clearly hallucinogenic
qualities.
This is a transcript of "Gold--Gold", by L. Fern-in-gully, a prominent
Dwarf Beat Poet.
Gold--Gold, (Gold!) gold gold
Gold, Gold. Gold?
Gold Gold Gold. Gold (Gold) Gold (Gold) G(old) (G)old.
G;O;L;D.
G
O
L
D
Gold--Gold, (Gold!) gold gold
From: Louis Epstein
No one here has recounted one of the true dwarf classics!!
Many authorities believe that in the first verse the narrator describes his
establishment,in the second who it belongs to, in the third what he does
there, and in the fourth his security measures. Many other authorities
believe these to be misattributed and any other order of description to the
verses to be correct. See notes.
The text:
Mine, mine, mine, mine
Mine, mine, mine, mine
Mine, mine, mine, mine
Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE!Mine, mine, mine, mine[1]
Mine, mine, mine, mine
Mine, mine, mine, mine[2]
Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE!Mine, mine, mine, mine
Mine, mine, mine, mine
Mine, mine, mine, mine
Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE!Mine, mine, mine, mine
Mine, mine, mine, mine[3]
Mine, mine, mine, mine[5]
Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE![6]
[1] According to some the word order here is reversed.
[2] Some say this verse is actually five lines long; another line, "Mine,
mine, mine, mine" is inserted either before or after this line in some
mss. [4]
[3] Some say the third "mine" should be before the second. Others don't
care.
[4] Or maybe at the start of the verse.
[5] This line may go before the previous one.
[6] It is traditional among those working their first day in a mine to
substitute "Does Terry Pratchett really mine here?" for this line.[7]
[7] It is also traditional for them to be thrown out and work the rest of
their careers in another mine.
From: David Arno
It is rumoured in some Dwarven circles that one particularly weird Dwarven
Alchemist once hit on an the ultimate alchemist's dream song. I believe it
went something like this [1]:
Lead, Lead, Lead, Lead,
Lead, Lead, Lead, Lead,
Philosophers stone!
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold,
Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold.
[1] Obviously, this is a very much abridged version and so many of the subtle
undertones and nuances of the original are lost here.
From: Terry Pratchett
Why didn't anyone mention the Century of the Fruitbat dwarfish humourist
and poet Oggham Gnash?
Gold gold gold gold gold,
Gold gold gold gold gold,
Gold gold gold gold gold --
Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold, gold gold, gold gold
gold sold...
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