Discworld Conventions : 1998

Programme of Events

Britannia Adelphi Hotel, Liverpool
18th - 21st September 1998

Friday 18^th September

14:00 - 17:30 Hotel Orientation (All)

This item is designed to familiarise you with the hotel and the areas that the Convention occupies within it. After you have registered and checked in, feel free to wander around the Adelphi, sort out what programme rooms are where, meet your friends and raise any queries or problems you may have during the event.

To make things a little more interesting, we have set this up as a form of treasure hunt. You can collect a question sheet from Registration and, by the time you have completed it, you will have a thorough knowledge of the hotel.

14:00 - 16:00 Quantum Weather Butterflies (The Forge)

Children - why not bring your parents along and spend a bit of time designing your very own chaos insect? The best examples will be put on display around the hotel. We will be repeating this event at other times during the Convention, so don't worry if you miss this first opportunity.

14:00 - 20:00 Registration (Hotel Reception/Dragon's Landing)

Roll up! Roll up! Get it all here! Well, a bag of stuff, anyway. Registration should be the first thing you do. In any case, how are you reading this if you've not already done so? Registration gets you loads of stuff in a bag, some of which might even be useful during the weekend. Please remember to wear your badge at all times - if you lose it you will be able to obtain a replacement for a small fee at Ops. And once you've registered, please think of others in the queue behind you: move to a more comfortable area to sit down and rummage through your bag of goodies. Your co-operation is greatly appreciated.

15:00 - 19:00 Chaos Costuming (The Forge)

This event will be running at different times throughout the Convention. Make your own 'hall costume' with assistance from those who know how. This workshop is designed to help you discover, or indeed improve upon, your costuming skills. If you need to make alterations to your costume or add things to it, this is the place to be.

17:00 - 19:00 General Gopher Briefing (Watch House)

Anyone wanting to help run the Convention should attend this event. If you want to find out what goes on behind the scenes, and are free for a bit, drop in. Our Head Gopher will be discussing what a Gopher does. Don't worry if you've missed this and still want to help out - drop by Ops or the Gopher Hole and tell someone you've got a pair of hands to lend. It's not true about the devil finding work for idle hands - the Committee does a much better job.

17:00 - 19:00 Specialist Gopher Briefing (Small Gods)

Past experience has shown that we require some Specialist Gophers to help with some of the more intricate aspects of the programme. First Aiders, Maskerade Gophers, technically adept Gophers and those with other unique skills to offer should attend if they want to muck in. Mucking out is entirely optional - Paul's bath of tapioca will need emptying, after all. Brian Nisbet is your genial host.

18:00 - 19:00 A'Troll's Guide (Patrician's Palace)

What happens now? Well, this is the ultimate introductory guide for first timers or repeat offenders. We give you information about the Convention, the guests and the hotel - even Convention veterans need information about the local area. Find out where you can go for a break, and where the local banks, restaurants, chemists and pubs are. The Guide is designed to help you get the most out of the Convention, whether you've been to one before or not.

19:00 - 20:00 Many to One (Watch House)

A quiz with a huge amount of audience participation - the contestants are the audience. This is loosely based on the television show 'Fifteen to One', but we thought we'd have a few more people turning up in true Troll tradition. Come along and embarass yourself by revealing your lack of knowledge in front of hundreds of strangers! This event will be repeated later in the weekend.

19:00 - 20:00 Writing Fantasy (Small Gods)

Authors, both published and hoping to be published, gather to give budding fantasy writers some tips on how to develop a fantasy universe and get it into print.

20:00 - 21:00 The Opening Ceremony (Patrician's Palace)

Here we go again! This is the official start of the 1998 Discworld Convention. Paul A Rood takes the reins and kicks off what we hope will be an excellent weekend of entertainment, amusement, public humiliation of the Committee, and maybe even some other stuff, too. Oh, and that Terry Pratchett fellow might show up if we're lucky. Hold onto your hats, folks - it's gonna be a hell of a ride. Be there - as we have nothing else scheduled, you don't have a lot of choice!
WARNING: This event will feature strobe lighting. You are advised not to attend if they might adversely affect you.

21:00 - 22:00 & ONGOING The Assassins' Guild Briefing (Watch House)

Want to meet new friends and assassinate them? Guildmasters Keith Kenny and Phil Penney will instruct hopeful trainee assassins in the Disc's hardest physical examination. A second examination course will be taking place later in the weekend, so if you miss out here don't think you've lost your chance to prove how devious and cunning you can be. And if you pass that test we may be able to offer you a nice safe place on the Committee... Trust no one in this paranoia-inducing contest.

21:00 - 22:00 'Live' Tetris (Small Gods)

A totally silly game that involves playing Tetris using people - it's audience participation gone mad! Chris Ward hosts this live action spectacular. Be there and be square.

21:00 - CLOSE Paint Your Own (The Forge)

The Convention Troll has been lovingly reproduced by a very Cunning Artificer indeed, and is available for a small fee from the Dealers Room. The Troll is coloured in neutral grey, so you can leave it "as" is if you like. But for those of you who wish to create something unique, here is your chance to use paints to create your very own masterpiece. This event will be run throughout the Convention at different times. We hope to entice Bernard, the great craftsman himself, along to some of the sessions to offer expert advice on recreating living stone.

21:00 - 22:00 Terry Pratchett Reading (Patrician's Palace)

Hear it from the lips of 'The Man in the Hat' himself, as Terry reads from his own works. It's not beyond the bounds of possibility that you may hear selections from, as yet, unpublished works. Are you sitting comfortably...?

21 :00 - 22:00 & ONGOING Mage Wars (Watch House)

Those low-life hedge wizards in Al-Khali have stolen the Archchancellor's hat. Time to teach 'em a lesson. Yes, that's right...all-out Thaumaturgical warfare as the combined forces of the Unseen University take on the might of Al-Khali. The winner, as usual in all wars, is the one left standing when the glow dies down. This two team event wil be repeated throughout the Convention.

21 :00 - 22:00 Murky & Carol Present Games from the Drum (Small Gods)

A well-known double act provides an evening of games that involve skill, dexterity, luck and probably ritual humiliation. Several volunteers will attempt to play games that the titles alone indicate only the brave should join. If this is not to your taste, please join the audience and watch the fun!

Saturday 19^th September

08:00 - 10:00 Maskerade Parade Preparation (Patrician's Palace): Attending this preparation session is essential fo anyone wishing to take part in the Maskerade Parade. Further time will be made available later in the programme, but you should make yourself available for this rehearsal at the very least. Please bring your music, your script and details of any special requirements with you for a full walk through. Please note that, if you're planning to make a costume during the Convention and display it in the Maskerade, you should also attend this session.
08:30 - 09:00 Breakfast with the Committee (Small Gods): Bright-tailed and bushy-eyed, the Committee will be frantically trying to munch on bacon and mushrooms whilst fielding any questions you may have about what's gone on previously and what's yet to come. This is your chance to voice your concerns and make constructive suggestions about the running of the Convention to members of the Committee. If we don't know about it, we can't put it right! Written comments can also be deposited at Ops throughout the Convention.
09:00 - 10:00 Coffee with the Cunning Artificers (Watch House): Join Bernard and Isobel Pearson, crafters of fine things, for morning coffee. Bernard and lsobe have a wealth of stories about their lives and craft to share. Find out how they first started in the pottery business, and what they love about Discworld. Coffee will be available before the event.
09:00 - 10:00 Quantum Weather Butterflies (The Forge): Another chance to spend a bit of time designing your very own chaos insect. The best examples will be put on display around the hotel.
10:00 - 11:00 Slave Auction (Patrician's Palace): Sell your own grandmother! Already sold her? Buy her back! The Slave Auction is an old favourite from the last Discworld Convention; you can bid for the slave of your choice. Each slave will have different skills and attributes. There are strict restrictions regarding what you can do with your purchases.
10:00 - 11:00 The Assassins' Guild Briefings - second cut (Watch House): This is a repeat of Friday's event for late arrivals. Guildmasters Keith Kenny and Phil Penney will instruct hopeful trainee assassins in the Disc's hardest physical examination. Prove how devious and cunning you can be. And, if you pass that test, we may be able to offer you a nice safe place on the Committee... Trust no one in this paranoia-inducing contest.
10:00 - 11:00 Meet the Publishers (Small Gods): Quiz the publishers about their professional activities; and get some great tips about entering the publishing world. Find out what they do for their money and just how glamorous the publishing world really is. Anyone who has ever received a rejection slip might discover how to succeed next time round.
10:00 - 11:00 The Paul Kidby Masterclass (Oblong Office): Priority for participation in this event is given to those who have expressed an interest prior to the Convention, though there's a chance that some places may be available at the event. Please contact Ops for details. Paul Kidby will be giving attendees the benefit of his experience and helping you develop your technique in sketching Discworld characters.
09:00 - 13:00 Registration (Hotel Reception/Dragons Landing): Registration opens now for those arriving on Saturday morning. Once registered, please think of others in the queue behind you: move to a more comfortable area to sit down and rummage through your bag of goodies. Your co-operation is greatly appreciated.
11:00 - 12:00 A Troll's Guide (Watch House): What happens now? Well, this is the ultimate introductory guide for first timers or repeat offenders. We give you information about the Convention, the guests and the hotel - even convention veterans need information about the local area. Find out where you can go for a break, and where the local banks, restaurants, chemists and pubs are. The Guide is designed to help you get the most out of the Convention, whether you've been to one before or not.
11:00 - 13:00 & ONGOING Writing Workshop (Small Gods): Peter Morwood and Diane Duane will be running a Writing Workshop for you aspiring authors. You need to have written a piece, or pieces, of no more than 4-5000 words, and be prepared to have others read it. The payback is that you get advice and guidance from professionals. You should have pre-registered for this event, but there may be slots available for latecomers on the day. Contact Ops for details.
10:00 - 13:00 Chaos Costuming (The Forge): Design and produce a costume from scratch. You can continue to work on the costume throughout the Convention. Our experts will be on hand to offer advice and assistance. If you wish to enter the Maskerade Parade, please ensure that you attend the earlier briefing session.
11:00 - 12:00 Kaffee Klatch - Stephen Briggs (Oblong Office): Those of you who have been lucky enough to be selected have your chance to quiz Stephen about his involvement in Discworld in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
12:00 - 13:00 Omnian Question & Answer (Patrician's Palace): Terry Pratchett will be on hand to answer questions from his fans. Please submit all questions before 11.00 a.m. on Saturday - a box will be provided at Ops for this purpose. Terry will also be taking some questions from the floor.
12:00 - 13:00 Battle of the Bards (Watch House): Who can take the title of the Bard of the Dysk? This is a contest to find the most excruciatingly awful poet of the Century of the Fruitbat. The poetry must not be merely bad; it must be so awful as to become a classic of Dysk literature. Hosted by that truly awful poet Mr. B. Potter, whose last reading crashed the Samaritans switchboard - be warned that he will provide a (mercifully) short introduction and poetry reading.
12:00 - 13:00 Kaffee Klatch - Stephen Player (Oblong Office): Lucky members who have been selected have their chance to quiz Steven Player in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
13:00 - 14:00 Unseen University Challenge - First Round (Patrician's Palace): The teams assemble for the first round eliminator in the quest to find the most knowledgeable team. No quarter is asked for, or given, in this contest, hosted by the less-than-genial Darrell Ottery. After last time's trouncing of all opponents (including Terry and the audience), Helen Highwater is back with a vengeance to defend her title.
13:00 - 14:00 Filk Off (Watch House): Ever wondered what Filk is? Ever wondered how it starts? Here's your chance to participate in the genesis of new filk songs. Join our select combat panel of guerrilla filk specialists, trained in the art of popular music assassination. Particularly appalling compositions will be performed publicly later.
13:00 - 14:00 The Graham Higgins Interview (Small Gods): An interview with the Convention's favourite Discworld artist. Graham Higgins talks to Paul A Rood about his involvement in the Discworld universe. Questions will also be taken from the floor.
13:00 - 14:00 Wax Works! (The Forge): The irrepressible Bernard Pearson from Waxworks will run a workshop in... well, in wax, basically. Learn from the best, as the Cunning Artificer (who brought you the awesome Unseen University model) guides your hand.
13:00 - 14:00 Kaffee Klatch - Terry Pratchett (Oblong Office): Lucky members, who have been selected, have their chance to quiz Terry Pratchett in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
14:00 - 15:00 Guest Interview - Josh Kirby (Patrician's Palace): One of the most highly respected and liked Discworld artists gives a rare interview about his work. Rob Wilkins and Claire-Louise Ruffle chat to Josh about his long-standing involvement in Discworld.
14:00 - 15:00 Cohen and Stewart Present... (Watch House): Not that popular barbarian comedy double act, but Jack Cohen and Ian Stewart, respected scientist and mathematician respectively. Ian and Jack share their vision with you. Learn how worlds and creatures are created and made believable. Ian and Jack are writing a book on the science of Discworld in conjunction with Terry.
14:00 - 15:00 All the Dysk's a Stage (Small Gods): A panel discusses the Discworld and its transfer to the stage. Thespians, directors, adapters and other assorted luvvies will be on hand to tell all. Anyone who is planning to stage a Discworld play or to act in one will get priceless information from those that have been there before.
14:00 - 16:00 Maskerade Dinner - Mask Making (The Forge): Forgot your mask for the Gala Dinner? This workshop will help you turn a basic mask into something individual to suit your taste. Blank masks and other materials will be available, as will our Chaos Costuming crew with helping hands and advice.
14:00 - 15:00 Kaffee Klatch - Bernard Pearson (Oblong Office): Lucky members, who have been selected, have their chance to quiz Bernard Pearson in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
15:00 - 16:00 Cosgrove Hall Presents... (Patrician's Palace): Love it or hate it, they did it first. Those nice people from Cosgrove Hall who adapted Soul Music and Wyrd Sisters will be showing us their work and maybe a glimpse of the future. See how they tackled the mammoth task and hear about current and future projects.
15:00 - 16:00 Liverpool Science Fiction Foundation: Andy Sawyer of the Liverpool Science Fiction Gives a talk - "Archiving Futures" - about the contents of their impressive collection. The Foundation recently acquired the John Wyndham Archive. The collection is one of the best in the country.
15:00 - 16:00 Two Rampant Hippos and an Incontinent Chimera: Messrs Briggs and Finch expound upon the principles of the ancient art of heraldry. Be initiated into the subtleties of armorial bearings, marshalling, canting and differencing (including what all these long words mean). Unfortunately, due to space constraints we are unable to bring the complete menagerie for a full-size tableau. However, at a push we can always put the Committee in hippo suits again.
15:00 - 16:00 Kaffee Klatch - Colin Smythe (Oblong Office): Lucky members, who have been selected, have to have their chance to quiz Colin Smythe in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
15:00 - 16:00 Signing - Discworld Artists (Scribblers Corner): All the Discword artists gather under one roof to sign their various works. Please form a queue adjacent to Small Gods, keep the passageway clear and follow the instructions of the Gophers. Programme items will be going on - please keep the noise down. Other signing sessions will be held throughout the Convention.
16:00 - 17:00 Perfect Entertianment Presents...(Patrician's Palace): One of the writers of 'Discworld III - Discworld Noir' will be on hand to give a talk and show the progress on their latest venture. Video footage of the game will also be shown in the Hex computer room throughout the Convention
16:00 - 17:00 Ready, Steady, Cook! (Watch House): Nanny Ogg has been drafted in to help put would-be chefs through their paces in the Discworld version of the successful TV game.
16:00 - 18:00 Build Your Own Religion (Small Gods): The return of the Prophets of the Latter Day Convention Custardists. Learn how to create a new religion, get followers, cast out heretics, create panethons, absorb other religions and extort funds.
16:00 - 18:00 Wax Works! (The Forge): Another chance to see the folks from Waxworks run this workshop. Learn how to make those candles and how to finish them. The Cunning Artificer (who brought you the awesome Unseen University model) will guide your hand.
16:00 - 17:00 Kaffee Klatch - Cush: Lucky members, who have been selected, have to have their chance to quiz the adapter, star and producer/director of the first professional Discworld play in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
17:00 - 18:00 Unseen University Challenge - Second Round (Patrician's Palace): Part Two of the premier Discworld trivia competition, as another four teams battle each other for a place in the semi-finals tomorrow. Darrell presides over the questions and not even the most dedicated seamstress can pry the answers from him. Alcohol may well work though.
17:00 - 18:00 Thogg's Masterclass - Live! (Watch House): In Thogg's Masterclass, Dave Langford present the worst of fantasy and SF - dreadful lines and comically awful phrases from published fiction. If you think Captain Carrot's prose is dodgey, wait until you see what the great names of SF/fantasy can do on their off-days!
17:00 - 18:00 Kaffee Klatch - Paul Kidby & Josh Kirby: The most recent Discworld artist and the first sit down and talk together in an informal setting to the lucky members who have been selected. There is no competition between Paul and Josh - artists need to support each other in today's commercialised world. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
17:00 - 19:00 Signing - Terry Pratchett & Stephen Briggs (Scribblers Corner): This is your first chance to get your books defaced by famous people.
18:00 - 19:00 The Home Shopping Experience (Watch House): A quick and dirty look at the variety of goods Discworld-inspired merchants have to offer. QVC with a Discworld twist.
18:00 - 19:00 & ONGOING Mage Wars II (Small Gods): Would you believe that the Archchancellor's hat has been stolen again? Al-Khali versus the Unseen University - the grudge match. The half-time oranges have been turned into something unspeakable and the sides have swapped ends. Join in the carnage in this revisited item.
18:00 - 22:00 Paint Your Own (The Forge): Another chance to use paints to create your very own masterpiece by decorating one of the Convention Trolls.
16:00 - 17:00 Where's the Rat? (Watch House): Wine, women and song? Well, one of them anyway. Eric Wall enlightens the public on the secrets behind scumble and what the purpose of the rat really is. And they said that we couldn't organise a panel in a brewery! Ha!
19:00 - 20:00 A Work in Progress (Small Gods): Paul Kidby is very much in demand with the publishers of Discworld spin-offs. See his work to date and hear Paul talk about what he goes through to generate images which fit so easily into people's imaginations. Using slides, Paul will talk us through some of his best work.
20:00 - 22:00 The Maskerade Parade (Patrician's Palace): The highlight of the evening. Dress up as your favourite characters and parade in front of several hundred people. This is the culmination of hours of hard work in preparing costumes and rehearsing diligently. Judged by a panel of Discworld celebrities, the various winners will receive applause, adulation and stuff. This event was packed to rafters last time so get there early to avoid disappointment. Teddy (Chaos Costume master) is your MC. Don't Fear The Reaper! NOTE: No flash photography will be permitted during the Maskerade.
20:00 - 21:00 Human Draughts (Small Gods): The Patrician and Lord Hong take part in their annual challenge of wits. Each commanding a team of either citizens or peasants, this is played out without any draughtsmen or even architects. Just until you see how you get crowned!
21:00 - 23:00 Discplomacy (Watch House): Conspire, lie, cheat, and stab others in the back. Make veiled threats and carry them all out in a multi-player Discworld version of the board game. Murky and Piers are your Machiavellian adjudicators.
21:00 - 22:00 Liverpool Science Fiction Foundation Presents... (Small Gods): Andy Sawyer returns with a light-hearted latenight special trawl through the archives of science fiction. Carefully positioned after the watershed, the kiddies should be safely in bed by now, so it's safe to reveal the more salubrious pieces from the Foundation's immense collection. Parents are advised not to bring children to this event.
22:00 - 23:00 Rincewind Race (Patrician's Palace): While the judges come to their decisions about the Maskerade, we supply the danger to encourage all Rincewinds to run away. The first past the post gets the title of Chief Coward and a lifelong increase in healthy paranoia.
22:00 - 23:00 Maskerade Photocall (Small Gods): Your chance to get photographs of all those involved in the Maskerade Parade in calm surroundings. Come armed with your film and camera and capture lasting memories of this spectacular event.
22:00 - CLOSE Filking the Night Away: For the curious, now is the chance you've been waiting for to make your excuses and head to the safety of the bar. For those who are more musically inclined, the death of popular tunes now begins, as the filkers take over for a jolly good singsong. Please provide your own earplugs. Talent optional.

Sunday 20^th September

08:00 - 10:00 Theatre Rehearsal (Patrician's Palace): The stage is set - well, nearly. Now is rehearsal time on-stage for those involved in the Reduced Discworld Theatre Company's production. And not even a single mention of the Scottish play! Oops.
08:30 - 09:00 Breakfast with the Committee (Small Gods): Once more the Committee cram in marmalade on toast and cups of coffee between answering your questions and solving any problems you might have. Even those of us who aren't morning people will be there, if only to steal the crispy bits of bacon.
09:00 - 10:00 7l. Coffee with the Kidbys (Watch House): Paul and Sandra Kidby sit down with a relaxing morning coffee to discuss their involvement in Discworld: what brought them to it, why they enoy it so much and what they think the future will hold. Coffee will be available before the event.
10:00 - 11:00 The Paul Kidby Interview (Patrician's Palace): No rest for the wicked! Poor old Rob Wilkins is bing worked really hard when he talks to Paul Kidby about his interpretation of the characters that inhabit Discworld. Paul also takes us through some of his pieces of art in a slide show presentation.
10:00 - 11:00 Graham Higgins Juggles Eggs (Small Gods): Graham Higgins, illustrator of Mort - the Big Comic, leads a workshop on the undiscovered parts of the human mind. A fascinating look into how and why the mind perceives things and acts in the way it does, and into the ways in which you can fool it into revealing unexpected talents.
10:00 - 12:00 Mask Making Workshop (The Forge): A second and final chance to create or finish your mask for the Maskerade Gata Dinner this evening. Remember: no mask, no entry.
11:00 - 12:00 The Octiron Factor - Part One (Patrician's Palace): We figured Krypton was too easy. A two-part challenge of both mental and physical qualities that will test each pair's abilities to the maximum. Part One is the mental challenge - Part Two takes place on Monday.
11:00 - 12:00 The Orangutan Foundation (Watch House): The Orangutan Foundation aims to raise awareness of the plight of the 'men of the woods'. Come along and find out more about the Librarian's real-world relatives.
11:00 - 12:00 Bush and Hopwood (Small Gods): No, not a TV series about a guy and his dead partner. Phil Bush and Keith Hopwood are the creative duo behind the Soul Music soundtrack. They present a discussion of how they took pictures and books and made them sound real as well. Filkers take note!
11:00 - 12:00 Kaffee Klatch - Stephen Briggs (Oblong Office): Lucky members, who've been selected, have their chance to quiz Stephen in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
12:00 - 13:00 Unseen University Challenge Semi-final (Patrician's Palace): Darrell Ottery hosts the semi-final of the premier Discworld quiz. By this stage only four teams remain and only two can go through. Have the reigning champions made it? Can they be beaten? The world waits with bated breath. Haven't you ever wondered what you hope to catch with bated breath?
12:00 - 13:00 Interpreting the Disc (Watch House): Just how do you take another person's ideas and, putting a different twist on them, bring them to life? We ask those who have taken on this very task and have transferred the Disc to the stage, to art, to music, and even to clay.
12:00 - 13:00 Theatre Rehearsa! (Small Gods): Those involved in the Reduced Discworld Theatre Company have a quiet sit-down and a final readthrough of the scripts. Anyone wishing to get involved in the Company's production should attend.
12:00 - 14:00 Luggage Wars Preparation (The Forge): A chance for those of you brave enough to enter the Luggage Wars on Monday to tinker with your creations. Rob Wilkins, the Convention's resident Luggage handler, will be on hand to guide you with hints and tips about how to get the most from your travel accessories.
12:00 - 13:00 Kaffee Klatch - Bernard Pearson (Oblong Office): Lucky members, who have been selected, have their chance to quiz Bernard in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
13:00 - 14:00 Guest of Honour Interview (Patrician's Palace): As everything else shuts down, Paul A Rood interviews Terry Pratchett. It's probably too scary to think what questions he might have come up with following last Convention's performance. We have made sure that Paul knows who it is he is interviewing this time.
13:00 - 14:00 Discworld Fandom (Watch House): The fans hit back! Representatives of various fan organisations discuss the world of Discworld fandom, the contributions they have made to it, and what they see in its future.
13:00 - 17:00 Writing Workshop (The Forge): Peter Morwood and Diane Duane hold another writing workshop for prospective authors. Ideally you should have a pre-written piece of some 4-5000 words to discuss with others and gain constructive feedback.
14:00 - 16:00 Charity Auction (Patrician's Palace): You get a chance to own your very own piece of Discworld history, as the lots pile up only to be auctioned off by Bernard the Cunning Artificer in his own inimitable style. Everything must go! Bargains galore! You'd be surprised what rarities we've managed to acquire for this once-in-alifetime opportunity. All proceeds from the auction will be donated to charity.
14:00 - 15:00 Walking the Boards (Watch House): Wannabe thespians have a unique opportunity to be coached by Peter Benedict, gaining invaluable advice from someone who has been there. Paul Darrow may, if we're lucky, step in and make an appearance. Come ready to act!
14:00 - 17:00 Chaos Costuming (The Forge): Another chance to wield scissors, fabric and sticky-backed plastic to create a killer costume. Chaos Costuming will be on hand to detach you from the sewing machine before the Maskerade Gala Dinner.
14:00 - 15:00 Kaffee Klatch - Perfect Entertainment (Oblong Office): Lucky members who have been selected have their chance to quiz PerfecL Entertainment in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
15:00 - 16:00 Kaffee Klatch - Terry Pratchett (Oblong Office): Lucky members who have been selected have their chance to quiz Terry Pratchett in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
16:00 - 18:00 The Leonard of Quirm Great Egg Race (Watch House): Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to devise and create a means for Lord Philanthropic III of Quirm to reach his Lady love, Jemima Talboy Nautilus. For the uninitiated, this unlikely twosome is a pair of dragons - in love, lustful, and highly dangerous. Can you find a way to move Lord Phil safely without causing premature detonation? And no, a large rubber band isn't good enough.
16:00 - 17:00 Kaffee Klatch - Stephen Briggs (Oblong Office): Lucky members who have been selected have their chance to quiz Stephen in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
16:00 - 18:00 Signing with Terry Pratchett (Scribbler's Corner): Another chance to persuade Terry to sign your books, your maps, your T shirts, your Psions, your nearest and dearest and just about anything else that you care to bring along. Be prepared for a long wait, as this is undoubtedly going to be a popular event.
17:00 - 18:00 ...But is it Art? (Small Gods): A veritable palette of Discworld artists including Josh Kirby, Paul Kidby, Stephen Player, and Graham Higgins are chaired by the Cunning Artificer and allowed free rein over a blank canvas. Expect frank discussion and forthright opinions from those who interpret Discworld.
17:00 - 18:00 Kaffee Klatch - Cush: Lucky members who have been selected have their chance to quiz the adapter, the star and the producer of the first professional Discworld play, in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
18:00 - 19:00 Many to One (repeat) (Small Gods): A second chance to see this fast and furious audience participation quiz.
18:00 - 22:00 Paint Your Own (The Forge): Another opportunity to cover yourself in paint and create a mess. Or, you could use the time to daub your dolomite, paint your pebbles, or colour in your chrysophase. Paints are provided, and trolls are available from the Dealers Room.
19:45 - 02:00 Maskerade Gala Dinner (Patrician's Palace and Watch House): Cocktails, masks and hours of entertainment. If you don't have a ticket, it's too late to join in the fun. But if you do, then be prepared for more enjoyment than you can stand - but, of course, if you have a ticket, then you'll have a seat. After-dinner speeches, cabaret, the Patrician's gaming tables, loads of music and much, much more. Try to identify the Committee members in their masks. Be there or be octagonal!
21:00 - 00:00 Riverboat Gaming (Small Gods): Try your hand at Cripple Mr Onion. Lose your shirt. Lose your socks. Lose your inhibitions if you lose too much more! A selection of Discworld gambling as experienced by the witches along the Vieux River. This event is not open to children.
22:00 - 23:00 Filk (The Forge): There's no business like show business, and this is certainly nothing like it. The audience may plead their case to Lord Vetinari later.
00:00 - 02:00 Late Night Entertainment (Patrician's Palace and Watch House): The Patrician has kindly allowed the masses to enjoy his personal gaming tables after the magical hour of midnight. Buy your currency, and play against the worst odds on the Disc. But beware of the heavy winner's tax - it could just cripple you.

Monday 21^st September

08:00 - 10:00 Theatre Dress Rehearsal (Patrician's Palace): An early start on the last day of the Convention for those involved in the Reduced Discworld Theatre Company, as a final dress rehearsal for the performance later in the day gets under way. Those of us who aren't thespians can have a lie-in, before being entertained by the sterling efforts of all our in-house luvvies.
08:30 - 09:00 Breakfast with the Committee (Small Gods): Once again the Committee are wheeled out - hung over and bleary-eyed, but with open ears and hearts - to answer any questions and solve any problems that may have arisen in the previous 24 hours.
10:00 - 12:00 Octiron Factor - Part Two (Patrician's Palace): Ever wanted to know what the record for hurling dwarf bread is? This and many other events will be taking place as part of the physical round of the Octiron Factor.
10:00 - 11:00 Guest Interview - Stephen Briggs (Small Gods): Stephen Briggs is asked about his role in the development of Discworld and quizzed about all the hot gossip. Hear what it takes to get inside the mind of Terry Pratchett.
10:00 - 11:00 Kaffee Klatch - Terry Pratchett (Oblong Office): Lucky members who have been selected have their chance to quiz Terry Pratchett in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
11:00 - 12:00 Luggage Wars (Watch House): So, think you've got a killer machine, eh? Come test your creation against the terror of the Committee's monster. Witness violence, mayhem, and hopefully lots of carnage, as mechanical terrors tear each other apart. At least until their batteries run down, anyway.
11:00 - 12:00 Graham Higgins Juggles Eggs (The Forge): Once again, Graham takes centre stage in a workshop on activating the underused potential of the mind, creating impressive and surprising results. Eye-opening to say the least.
11:00 - 12:00 Kaffee Klatch - Josh Kirby (Oblong Office): Lucky members who have been selected have their chance to quiz Josh Kirby in an informal setting. Selection for this event is undertaken prior to the Convention - only ticket holders will be admitted.
11:00 - 13:00 Signing with Terry Pratchett & Stephen Briggs (Scribbler's Corner): For the last time at this Convention, Terry and Stephen take the weight off their feet and vandalise your stuff. Get them while they're hot - or at least vaguely warm.
12:00 - 13:00 Design Your Own Disaster (Watch House): If you thought the Titanic was uninspired, the Towering Inferno a mere flicker in the night, the Ice Age just an adjustment of the thermostat, and think you can better them all, this is the event for you. Bob Potter goads groups of twisted and evil minds into novel ideas for inventions that appear at first glance to be totally innocent and highly useful. And then you look more closely...
12:00 - 13:00 'Live' Pacman (Small Gods): Chomp your way through a living maze and try not to spoil your lunch in this live action version of the classic arcade game.
13:00 - 15:00 Reduced Discworld Theatre Company Presents... (Patrician's Palace): It's time to put on makeup, it's time to light the lights. It's time to get things started for the theatre show tonight! Take your seats for a special production by members of the Convention. And you should hear about what goes on backstage...
13:00 - 18:00 Writing Workshop (The Forge): Once again Diane Duane and Peter Morwood take budding authors through the steps to becoming successful writers. Who knows, by the end of this we could have yet another famous author in our midst!
14:00 - 15:00 Josh Kirby Slide Show (Watch House): Josh Kirby is your host as he takes you on a fascinating wander through some of his pieces of art. See just how many pictures you can recognise.
14:00 - 15:00 So: This is a chance for the Committee to hear your feedback about the weekend. Let us know what you enjoyed and what you didn't, so that we can do our best to make it even better next time round.
15:00 - 16:00 Unseen University Challenge - The Final (Patrician's Palace): Yes, it's that time again. The elite battle it out in an exhaustive test of Discworld trivia knowledge. Some surprises may yet crop up, so stay awake!
16:00 - 17:00 Design Your Own Disaster - Part Two (Watch House): Whilst the final touches are made and the tapioca is well stirred, come along and find out just how creative and twisted the human mind can be. Lord Vetinari, in the guise of Stephen Briggs, passes an eye over the accomplishments of the B. S. Johnson School for Diseased Minds.
16:00 - 17:00 Discworld - The Younger Perspective (Small Gods): A rare chance to find out what it is about Terry's work that appeals to the younger generation. A number of whippersnappers talk about what they do and don't like about the Disc. Well, we had no chimneys that needed sweeping, did we?
17:00 - 18:00 Closing Ceremony (Patrician's Palace): So, this is it. The end has come, and we have reached the final curtain. But before we all say farewell there are a couple of things we have to do. One is to thank you all for turning up and wish you safe journeys onward, and the other involves an encounter with a bath of tapioca.
18:00 - DEPARTURE Dead Monkey Party (Bar Areas): After all has been cleared away and the hotel returns to whatever normality happens to be this week, it's time to wind down over a pint or three and relax after the excitement of the weekend. Come and find the Committee in a bar near you and have a drink - tell us again how much you liked seeing Paul in the tapioca.

Total Number of organised events: 122

This retrospective was compiled by esmi@lspace.org and is maintained by esmi@lspace.org.
Additional research by elfin@lspace.org.

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Programme of Events

Friday 18th September

Saturday 19th September

Sunday 20th September

Monday 21st September

Total Number of organised events: 122

Friday 18^th September

Saturday 19^th September

Sunday 20^th September

Monday 21^st September