I'll Never Trust a Mage Again

From: "Joy Green"
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I] Filk - I'll Never Trust a Mage Again
Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2002 21:04:14 +1300

A kind of generic epic fantasy filk here, to the tune of I'll Never Fall In Love Again, by Bobbie Gentry.

SCENE:

At the bar sits a grizzled and much scarred veteran. When he sees a distinguished, grey-cloaked figure with white flowing beard enter the tavern, he slides under the table, hiding until the mystic has gone, with a group of companions in tow. Interested by his behaviour, you ask him "Do you have a problem with wizards, warrior?" He looks you in the eye, and begins to sing....

What do you get when a wizard calls?
You get enough shit to drive you barmy
There's monsters and wraiths and goblin armies
I'll never trust a mage again.
I'll never trust a mage again.

What do you get when he looks your way?
You just get a quest you're good and stuck with
Fighting some foe no man should fuck with
I'll never trust a mage again
I'll never trust a mage again.

Don't talk to me 'bout fellowship
There's always one traitor who'll lose his grip
Out of those woods, he'll sneak up behind you
That's why I'm here to remind you

Run for the hills when a wizard calls
He'll only expect you to be heroic
Facing your fear with courage stoic
I'll never trust a mage again
I'll never trust a mage again.

Don't tell me about dark and light
Those white-clad bastards always swear they're right
With prophecy, they'll cheat and blind you
That's why I'm here to remind you

Say you're not in when a wizard calls
Unless you've a yen for death and danger
And if you do - well, goodbye stranger,
*I'LL* never trust a mage again
No, I'll never trust a mage again.

<exits, muttering "Well, don't say I didn't warn you...">
Joy Green

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