From: MegaMole
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I] (maybe M-ish and definitely a filk) Massive Thread-cross - again
Date: Tue, 20 Apr 1999 19:33:12 +0100
This mole thought, with the current resurgence of the perennial Lehrer thread and other events in the froup at the moment, this was the time for a couple of filks of the immortal Tom.
ICBW.
See what you think, and remember that ICBW is only 180 degrees away from ICBM.
Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here.
Life is skittles and life is beer.
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring.
I do, don't you? 'Course you do.
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,
And makes ev'ry Sunday a treat for me.
All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon,
When we're LARTing the spammers on the Net...
Ev'ry Sunday you'll see
Some BOFHs, Gid and me,
As we LART all the spammers in the Net.
When they see us coming, the spammers all try and run,
But they can't hide their bangpaths when traced by a clever one...
The sun's shining bright,
Ev'rything seems all right,
When we're LARTing the spammers off the Net.
We've gained notoriety,
And caused much anxiety
In commercial society
With our games.
They call it impiety,
And lack of propriety,
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names.
But until we're dismembered with hammers
We'll still be disposing of spammers...
So if Sunday you're free,
Why don't you come with me,
And we'll LART all the spammers off the Net.
And perhaps we'll say "Boll-
-ocks" to a teenager troll,
While we're LARTing the spammers off the Net.
We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment.
Except for the few we take home to experiment...
It Makes a Fellow Proud to Be...
The heart of every poster in our group must swell with pride,
For their fellow loons, the cream of whom are posting at his side.
For the fascinating rules and regulations that we share,
And the quaint and curious customs that we're called upon to bear.
Now Gid joined up to do his part defending you and me.
He wants to LART and bleed and bang and *plonk* for liberty.
With the hell of spam he's come to grips,
Policing up the filter tips,
It makes a fella proud to be an afper!
When Peter Ellis qualified, he cloned a friendly cop.
He's RCS material, and he was glad to swap
His test-tubes and his white lab coats
For DNA and mutant goats.
It makes a fella proud to be an afper!
After Ailbhe got through basic training, she
Was an afper through and through when she was done.
Its effects were so well planted
That the next day she pedanted
A FAQ writer, a newbie, and a nun.
Now Miq's an intellectual whose faculties are fine.
He likes to do analysis, dissecting every line.
He thinks this group is just the thing,
Because he finds it "broadening".
It makes a fella proud to be an afper!
Our Old Mess Sergeant's taste buds have been shot off in the war,
But his flammable collations add to our esprit de corps.
To think of all the marvellous ways
They're using sarcasm nowadays -
It makes a fella proud to be an afper!
Our Jester is the up-and-coming type.
Played with dresses as a boy, you just can bet.
By the prophecies of Fate
His ensemble will look great,
But he hasn't found the proper sequins yet.
The Phantom has a handicap to cope with - what a shame.
He's from Essex[1], and he doesn't quite remember his own name.
He used to be, so rumour tells, the Reverend Jones of Bath and Wells.
It makes a fella proud to be,
When as a kid I vowed to be,
One ought to be allowed to be
An afper. (Read the FAQs!)
[1] I'm sure he isn't really...!
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