Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [F] [I] Yet another Hogswatch Carol
From: MegaMole <PSmithALTO@countertenor.demon.co.uk>
Date: Sat, 28 Nov 1998 21:51:38 +0000 	

First, thanks to Dmark for providing the seed of inspiration... Then,
apologies for the trochaic metre and tortured rhyme scheme;	but it's not
my own and you have Czechoslovakia to blame... 	

An Epithalamium :

On the occasion of the Wedding of Mss. Magrat Garlick, Wytch, 	to Verence
II Rex Lancrastiorum. 	

Good King Verence looked one day 		
Out of Lancre Castle, 		
Saw young Shawn Ogg run his way 		
With a plain brown parcel. 		
Brightly grinned the royal Fool 		
With anticipation, 		
Thinking that he'd found The Tool 		
For marital relations. 		

Long he'd wondered how to deal 		
With such circumstances - 		
Every young groom knows that he'll 		
Make the first advances. 		
So he told himself - O.K., 		
I'll resort to retail, 		
And buy books from far away 		
Which explain in detail. 		

But, though Lancre folk are wise, 		
They're no gud att spelings. 		
Crossing t's and dotting i's 		
Fails in rural dwellings. 		
Due to such a small mistake 		
"Martial Arts" was posted; 		
Verence saw the wrapping break 		
And with shame he roasted. 		

"Never mind", said Nanny Ogg, 		
"Shawn could use the training - 		
Maybe practise on the dog 		
Or find legs for straining. 		
As for Magrat and yourself, 		
here's a quiet lecture; 		
I'll assure your married health 		
If you go and fetch her." 		

Gentles, learn from Lancre's King 		
What this lesson shows you: 		
Doesn't mean a single thing 		
If you can't spell "hosue"; 		
Wet hens get their share of cock 		
E'en with Foolish lovers - 		
What's behind the bedroom lock 		
*Every* man discovers. 		

Megamole