From: Adrian Ogden
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [I][FILK] The Breasts Are Coming To Get Us
Date: 24 Jan 2003 00:03:00 GMT


It was a night on #afp, just like any other, and some of the denizens
started comparing their breasts.

In response I idly threatened to filk this, only to have Mole take me
up on it and start writing lines for real. So it's all his fault. :-)

It's the second time Mole & I have co-written a filk, and it was
based on the same song the first time as well. Odd, that. We'd've
posted it a few days ago, only by then there was a thread on
breast-related fantasies going on, so we decided to wait a little.
And now it's far too late to be topical, but tough. Here it is anyway.


TTTO a song oft performed by our very own Gid Holyoake
(The French are coming to get us", by a chap called Mitch Benn)

   Now as I lie here musing in my solitary bed,
   A single great obsession is ringing in my head;
   I've never felt the lack before of mistress or of wife,
   But this could be the ruin of the British fella's life;

     For the breasts are coming to get us,
     And they never will leave us alone,
     With their push-up bras
     And their aur-e-o-las
     And a gravity all of their own;
     Oh yes, the breasts are coming to get us,
     And the front of battle draws near,
     With their lacy enhancements, cosmetic advancements
     And cleavages, teats and brassieres;

   We cannot take this lying down, we have to make a stand
   The threat to common decency is getting out of hand;
   I've tried to keep my dignity, I've tried to keep my grip
   But it's getting very hard to keep the old stiff - upper lip...

     Because
     The breasts are coming to get us,
     They'll come for you while you sleep
     They'll creep into bed and envelop your head
     In a quivering mammary heap;
     Their ranks are dressed up Bristol fashion,
     They're awaiting the final command,
     They'll advance on all fronts in their mammary hunt
     And you'd better not give them a gland.
  
     Yes, the breasts are coming to get us,
     They're weaving their magical spells
     With their motions erotic and perfumes exotic
     And glittery tassels and bells
     Oh, I've tried every form of catharsis
     To keep my libido in check
     But a glimpse of a nip through a Freudian Slip
     And I end up an Oedipal wreck!
  
     This dreaming of mammary wibble
     Is now really getting too much;
     I'm deprived and I'm starting to dribble...
     My number's here, please get in touch!



Adrian Ogden