Witches Abroad

The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible in order to reduce the risk to innocent people.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

Asking someone to repeat a phrase you'd not only heard very clearly but were also exceedingly angry about was around Defcon II in the lexicon of squabble.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

- "We've got a lot of experience of not having any experience"
- "But the point is... the point is... the point is we've not been
experienced for a lot longer than you."

-- Stop being so negative (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

The only way housework could be done in this place was with a shovel or, for preference, a match.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

People didn't hit you over the head with farmhouses back home.

-- Nanny Ogg gets homesick (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because -- what with trolls and dwarfs and so on -- speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

Nanny Ogg quite liked cooking, provided there were other people around to do things like chop up the vegetables and wash the dishes afterwards.

-- Home Pragmatics (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

"Emberella," thought Magrat. "I'm fairy godmothering a girl who sounds like something you put up in the rain."

-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

Magrat was annoyed. She was also frightened, which made her even more annoyed. It was hard for people when Magrat was annoyed. It was like being attacked by damp tissue.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

Nanny Ogg looked him up and down or, at least, down and further down. "You're a dwarf," she said.

-- Nanny Ogg meets Casanunda (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

- "'S called the Vieux River."
- "Yes?"
- "Know what that means?"
- "No."
- "The Old (Masculine) River," said Nanny.
- "Yes?"
- "Words have sex in foreign parts," said Nanny hopefully.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

"You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage."

-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

Bad spelling can be lethal. For example, the greedy Seriph of Al-Yabi was cursed by a badly-educated deity and for some days everything he touched turned to Glod, which happened to be the name of a small dwarf from a mountain community hundreds of miles away who found himself magically dragged to the kingdom and relentlessly duplicated. Some two thousand Glods later the spell wore off. These days, the people of Al-Yabi are renowned for being remarkably short and bad-tempered.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

Greebo's technique was unscientific and wouldn't have stood a chance against any decent swordmanship, but on his side was the fact that it is almost impossible to develop decent swordmanship when you seem to have run into a food mixer that is biting your ear off.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

Genua had once controlled the river mouth and taxed its traffic in a way that couldn't be called piracy because it was done by the city government.

-- Local-body politics explained (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

"Baths is unhygienic," Granny declared. "You know I've never agreed with baths. Sittin' around in your own dirt like that."

-- Taking personal hygiene to new limits (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)